Ghost of You
by H. James
Summary: Oneshot. It's a few years from now and Haley's handling having to suddenly raise her son alone. NH only.


**_Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters. I do own the Michael character though. The title is a song from My Chemical Romance._**

_This is a oneshot that came to me actually all at once and I decided to give it a shot. No pun intended. It's drama and I like it. I hope you do, too._

* * *

Sitting on bench on one of the sides of the square, she felt the popcorn bag warmer her hands as she hold it with both of them while watching the little boy running around, chasing the soap bubbles. Chuckling, she reached for the popcorn and slowly took them to her lips. The boy was running and holding his air balloon that was floating just above his head. She liked seeing him like that, running and laughing and having a good time. He was genuinely happy, which was more than she could tell about herself.

Out of breath from all the running, the boy rushed back to the bench, taking a seat next to her. He shoved his hand down the popcorn bag and took it off grabbing a bunch of them while letting some of the popcorns fall on the ground.

"Are you having a good time, sweetie?" she asked while running her fingers through his hair.

The boy nodded still holding his air balloon and chewing, "I wanna see Daddy now."

Forcing a warm smile, she put her hand on her son's back and rubbed it as if trying to comfort him from something he still didn't know he needed to feel, "Didn't you want to see Santa's house? We could go there now if you still want to."

He nodded and they both got up. She held his tiny hand and together they walked, crossed the street and went down the block where they could find Santa Claus' house. It was late November and the town was all decorated with Christmas lights and small Santa Clauses everywhere.

Haley always enjoyed the holidays season because for a couple of months, the dull town she lived in, was transformed into this magical place where everything seemed possible and all her wished were just one step from becoming true. And she knew her son loved it as well.

Santa Claus' house was closed. They were five minutes too late. The little boy pouted but Haley promised they'd come back earlier the next day so they wouldn't miss it again. They walked together again, holding hands, down the street and headed back to the bus station. She took a seat and sat the little boy on her lap. He moved a few times to make himself comfortable and eventually leaned his head back on his mother's chest. They kept in silence for a while, waiting for the bus. A couple in a motorcycle passed by them and stopped at the traffic light at the end of the block. Then she saw a tiny little girl squeezed between her parents' bodies on the motorcycle. The traffic light switched green.

…

Just as she finished setting the table, Haley felt the small person who had been jumping up and down the house, wrap his chubby little arms around her right leg. She widened her smile as she reached down for his head to mess with his hair.

"Are you hungry, pumpkin'? Yes, you are!" she bent over to pick him up on her arms, "Let's go get your daddy."

As she stepped outside the house, on the backyard, she felt the strong sunlight hit her eyes. She closed them on a reflex and then squinted trying to find him. He was by the garage entrance, as he always was every Sunday morning until she showed up to tell him lunch was ready. He was cleaning up his motorcycle.

"Why do you clean it so much if you're supposedly selling it anyway?"

"I am selling it" he answered on a mumble as finishing polishing one of the wheels. He didn't want to sell it. It was his wild side. The only one he had those days.

"Right" she put the baby down for him to runaround Nathan curiously messing with everything, "Just tell me exactly when so I can buy the champagne to celebrate" she got a look from him. The one you get when someone's not in the mood for jokes just when you're making them to break the ice.

"Oh, c'mon. You've been talking about selling this thing since I got pregnant. Michael's two years old now and you still clean it every week. See where I'm losing my faith?"

"We've got a car already, why do we really need to sell the bike for?" he looked around, searching for his screwdriver when he saw on Michael's hands and halfway to his mouth. Gently, Nathan took it out of his son's hands and pulled him to his lap, "Now, son, you don't want that. It's for Daddy to fix the motorcycle so we can ride it later, ok?"

The little one seemed to amazingly understand what his father was talking about and nodded as he watched him finish his job.

She watched the two boys of her life as they got along. Nathan was a great husband and an even greater father. She and her son needed no more than that. So he could have the bike. He deserved it. Smiling, she went closer to them and got to their level as leaning to take her husband's face on her hands.

"You can have whatever you want."

He thanked her with his eyes and the three of them got back inside for lunch.

…

Once at home, Michael rushed ahead of his mother and headed towards his bedroom. Haley stepped in, closed the door behind her and put her keys and purse over the coffee table in the living room. She took a seat on the armchair and heard the running footsteps on her direction as her son appeared with a basketball on his hands.

"Mommy, can you play with me?"

She glanced at the object on her little boy's hands and bit her lip to hold back her emotions. Then she forced a shy smiled once she managed to speak.

"Not now, sweetie" he approached her with a disappointed look and glancing down, "Remember how I told you that the ball is not to be played with inside the house?" she gently pulled him closer and kissed him on the cheek. He nodded somehow sad and handed her the ball.

"When can I play?" he insisted holding on to hope.

"Tomorrow, when we go to the park. Ok?" she watched as his facial expressions turned into impatience but then, reluctantly, into conformism, "Ok" he simply replied.

Lowering his head, he slowly paced away from his mother, but before he could leave the room, he heard her calling out his name, so he turned around.

"Michael. Here…" she held the basketball with both hands and threw it in the air, towards him, as lightly as she could. He was quick to catch the ball still in the air. He got his father's reflex. A thankful smile appeared on his face and he finally left.

…

"Not now, Mike. I'm late."

Fixing his tie as he walked around his bedroom looking for his jacket, Nathan had his five year old son following him around with a basketball on his arms. It was a professional one that Nathan had given him for his last birthday, so it was so big for the boy to carry that he had to hold it with both arms.

"But you promised we'd play tonight" the deception was loudly clear on the kid's tone of voice and his father noticed. But there was nothing he could do.

"I know, but I also promised your mom I'd have dinner tonight with you but I can't either" he finally found the jacket hanging from the back of the chair by the door.

He grabbed it and walked out of the bedroom while putting it on while his son seconded him. They got in the living room and found her standing up with her arms crossed against her chest with a frown on her face. She did not look happy.

"It's Thanksgiving dinner, Nathan."

"I know" he exhaled dramatically, "And if I could I'd stay, but you know my job and this is important."

"Your family's supposed to be more important."

Michael stopped, holding his basketball, near the couch where he could see his father's back and his mother's unpleased face.

"C'mon, you know it is" Nathan stepped closer to Haley and supported her elbows while forcing a goofy smile, "You and Michael are the two most important things in my life. You can't doubt that."

"Then stay."

"But you can't ask me that either."

He let go of her and turned around, going to look for his briefcase around the living room. She uncrossed her arms and sighed, knowing she'd lose the discussion.

"Why not? It's Thanksgiving, if you're gone, what am I gonna be thankful for?"

She knew how to get to him. He knew that Michael and himself were the two most important things in her life, too. But every time she confirmed that, it melted his heart. No, not this time. He had to go even if he didn't want to. Businesses are businesses, right?

Noticing his stare and knowing what his comeback was gonna be, she quickly added, "Besides Mike.'

"You should be thankful that I have a job that I love _and _that pays well at the same time."

So he was a little insensitive and kind of harsh while delivering the last lines. But he realized that and softened when took both her hands and stared into her eyes, whispering.

"I'm sorry. But how's this: I'll be back by tomorrow night and we can celebrate Thanksgiving then. What do you think? We just postpone it a little bit."

He had her. She warmly smiled already agreeing and giving him credit for really trying. Remembering their son was still there, Nathan turned to the little boy and picked him up, rubbing his belly.

"What about you, buddy? Wanna have Thanksgiving tomorrow?"

"But it's today" he stated confused.

"But we can pretend cause tomorrow Daddy's gonna be here to celebrate with you and Mommy."

Giggling because his dad was still messing with his belly, the little boy agreed and got a kiss from his father who put him back down right after.

"I gotta go now" he closed his eyes as he leaned foreword to his wife to place a kiss on her lips. He barely broke the kiss and whispered close to her, "I love you."

She smiled between her words, "I love you, too."

"Bye, buddy" he leaned over his son and kissed him on his forehead, "Be nice to your Mommy. Take care of her for me, will you?"

"I will" he answered proudly that his father trusted him to guard his mother.

…

They had a quick and light dinner: rice, a fish steak and some vegetables. It was a quiet dinner, too. It had been months since the last chatting big family dinner took place. Haley was sitting on the chair next to the head of the table and Michael was sitting right in front of her. She glanced at the empty seat between them and lost at least one minute doing it so. And if it wasn't for her son's interruption, she could've spent some time more.

"Mommy? Can I leave?"

Michael was a very well educated child. He had all the nicest manners a child should have. But like any other boy his age, he would never use them until he found necessary. Lately, his mother wasn't what she used to be and that confused him a little bit. She wasn't as talkative as she used to be. And she used to laugh and smile more. Hug him more. Say 'I love you' more. Lately… she was changed. He, more than once, wondered if he had done something wrong to upset his mom. But he couldn't think of anything. So he decided to be the best son she could ask for. Maybe that'd cheer her up. If only his father was there…

"What?" she snapped out of her thought, blinking.

"Can I leave the table?" he asked again, holding his empty plate with both hands.

"Sure" she saw what he was about to do, "No. Leave it there, just go brush your teeth and I'll be right there, ok?"

He quietly left the table and disappeared into his bedroom. She got up, picked up the dirty dishes and took them to the kitchen. She opened the faucet and let the water run as she put the dishes inside the sink. The noise of the running water made he relax, so she closed her eyes. Without her even noticing, some tears started to roll down her cheek. The phone rang and made her open her eyes again to notice the tears. She brushed them off and walked back to the living room to answer it.

"Hello?" her voice cracked.

"Hey, Hales. It's me."

She took a deep breath while listening to the voice on the other side. Of course he was calling her. She had forgotten calling him earlier so she figured he'd call himself.

"Hey…" she tried to smile so her voice would come out better. Didn't work very well. She took a seat by the couch.

"Are you ok? You didn't call today and I got worried. I mean, you always call."

"I know. Sorry about that. I guess I just forgot… but don't worry, everything's fine."

"Alright. I imagined you'd stop calling someday, you know? When things got better."

"Right…"

There was a brief silence where she supported her head with her free hand and looked down. Things weren't fine. That dinner she just had with her son where she barely spoke two words to him wasn't fine. She closed her eyes again and sighed.

"Things are not better, Lucas."

He was afraid she'd say that. Actually, he was always hopping she'd admit that to him but he wanted her to do it when he was around to help and comfort her. Not over the phone. But that was still better than she being in denial.

"I know. Do you want me to come over?"

"No. I'm gonna tuck Michael in bed and then I'll try to get some sleep myself. I'm tired."

"Ok. But call me if you change your mind. Anytime, ok?"

"Thanks, Luke."

She hung up the phone. She knew he cared and that he worried and she was thankful that he did. But she couldn't share her feelings with anyone. Not just yet.

With one last sigh, she stood up and went to her son's bedroom. The door was open and she saw her little boy sitting in bed, with his pajamas already on (when did he learn to do that by himself?) and waiting for her.

"Teeth" she sat on the bed, in front of him.

He forced a wide grin to show her his brushed teeth.

"Very good" she passed her hand through his hair, "You didn't eat much during dinner. You hungry?"

"No" he shook his head.

"Okay" she started to pull his covers, "Lay down" after he laid down, she covered him and fixed his pillow to make sure he was comfortable enough. She kept sitting on his bed and staring at him for a while.

He laid down and returned his mother's stare. He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to talk to her or see his dad. Why couldn't he see his dad anymore? He asked her about him a few times but she never answered him.

"Mommy… where's Daddy?"

Haley felt all the blood rushing from her hands, arms, feet and legs directly to her face. She could feel her cheeks burning up and her eyes getting warmer. Soon they were gonna be flooded with tears that she wouldn't be able to hold back. So she shook her head while smiling numbly.

"He's not here now, honey."

"When will he be?"

She smiled again and Michael was confused again. She sounded sad but she was smiling and he didn't understand why.

"Why are you sad?"

"Mommy's not sad" she continued, "I'm smiling, see?"

"Your voice is sad" he mumbled, afraid the smile would go away. He could tell it was fake, but it was the first in a very long time.

"Alright" she sat up straight to take a deep breath, "I guess we're doing this now."

Feeling he should too, Michael sat up still leaning back on his Spiderman pillow. She held his small hand between hers and carefully tried to choose the right words to say to him.

"Daddy's…" she sighed once again, "Not going to come back."

Michael frowned, "Why not?"

"He's… uh, remember he took a plane to Los Angeles on Thanksgiving Day?"

"Yes. We were gonna celebrate later but he didn't come back."

"No, he didn't. But that's because… he decided to stay up there. In the sky."

"In the sky?" he repeated to make sure.

"Uhum."

"Why?"

"Cause you can see everything from up there. Everything and everyone" she got up and leaned to him to pick him up, "Come here."

He let himself be picked and she walked them to the window. It was a beautiful night out there and the sky was clear, without one single cloud. Haley pointed up to the brightest star she could find.

"You see that shinny star over there?"

"I see it" he looked up, staring at it.

"Did you know that Aunt Peyton and Uncle Jake can see it too all the way on Savannah?"

"Really?" he asked amazed.

"Yeah. The same star."

"Jenny can see it, too?"

"Yes, she can."

He smiled, "That's cool.'

She saw him smiling and melted her heart. If only there was way for someone to have told her about what happened that made her smile, too. But there wasn't. At least she could make this easier for her son and that helped her a little.

"So you see, we can all see that same star at the same time that star can see us."

"So… Daddy's with the star now?" his voice was a little sadder now.

"He's with them all."

"But he can see us?"

Haley nodded.

"Can we see him?"

She was afraid he'd ask that, "Not in the way we used to. But if you close your eyes you can still see him, can't you?"

He closed his eyes and got quiet. Haley walked back to his bed and gently put him down, laying him on the bed. He rolled to his side. She sat down again and fixed his covers.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can Daddy come to visit?"

She cracked a smile, "We'll see, ok? Now go to sleep" she leaned foreword and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Before she could pull away, he grabbed her hand and she stopped halfway. He opened his eyes and smiled.

"I love you, Mommy."

She smiled a genuine smile and caressed his face with the back of her hand.

"I love you, too, Mike" and leaned to kiss him again, "Good night, baby boy. Sweet dreams."

Already back in her own bedroom, Haley opened her wardrobe, picked up an old sweatpants and an old Nathan's sweatshirt. It was one of his favorites and she could still smell him on it.

She got under the blankets and felt her body relaxing. She closed her eyes and stretched on the bed, making a sound. It's been a while since she had let herself to relax like that. Rolling to the other side of the bed – it had gotten bigger without him – she reached for his pillow and hugged it. She sniffled it. His scent was starting to fade away. She opened her eyes and stared across the room. There was a picture frame over the nightstand with a picture of Nathan making a shot on a basketball game. Right beside it, there was another picture frame that held two pictures, one of each of their wedding ceremonies. And the last one was a family picture of her, Nathan and Michael. They looked happy. They were happy.

Closing her eyes again, she could remember the last time she saw him. What he was wearing, the way his hair was combed, his smell, his smile, his whisper on her ear, telling her he loved her. And she loved him back.

It was like that for the past three weeks. Until the memory got so real that she could relive it and for a moment he was back with her and everything was just a bad dream. Then she could finally fall asleep.

……………


End file.
